From me to you, a warm hug & the promise of spring

Reflections on 5 days in Catalonia + a new mix inspired by life

It’s finally spring here in New York.. Time is a funny thing. At one moment, everything seems to be standing still, the ground frozen solid in the middle of February. But then, all of the sudden, your consciousness ramps up & the next time you really pause to take in your surroundings it’s the end of April. A family of sparrows living outside my bedroom window start their day, conversing amongst themselves as the world wakes up around them. Tulips, daffodils & hyacinths pepper the sidewalks everywhere you look & the sun feels warm on your face again.

After months & months of yearning for a trip that for so long has just been a date on the calendar, I’ve just finally returned from a 5-day adventure to Spain for Mostra with my Delayed crew - an annual music festival in Barcelona & gathering of like-minded people from across the globe who share a deep love for the fringe corners of techno, drum & bass, ambient & experimental electronic music. My first human connection to the magical scene over in Catalonia is Joan Gila, the man behind HOC Radio who I recorded a mix for back in February (Running in a wool sweater). Fast forwarding to exactly 1 year later, now that I’ve finally made the trek across the Atlantic, a lot of what has been described to me over the years about Spain finally makes sense.

A week after my return & I’m still having a hard time finding the words to describe the experience. The emotions are quite simply, overpowering. I expected the music, programming & festival production to be the best of the best - it was. What I didn’t quite expect was the love & warmth from all of the people there. I feel very lucky to have had a handful of powerful musical experiences around the world where people in a room are all there for similar reasons & are brought closer together by the music - but this was on a completely new level. By the 4th day, you take a look around you & see dozens & dozens of warm, familiar faces. Friends from all over the world, of all ages, local music lovers from Barcelona, DJs & producers you’ve listened to for years, friends who run a mix series or radioshow you’ve contributed to, label owners, managers, agents, the list goes on. Everyone is on the same page - inspired & grateful, hearts on their sleeves. Spending time with all of these friends on the dancefloor, in the middle of a cavernous olympic volleyball stadium, reminded me of why this music we love so dearly has such powerful healing qualities. We are so lucky to be a part of it.

This time of year, the end of April, is a time of beauty & rebirth. I love it when spring starts to really take hold, after those long, dark winter months. The changing of the seasons has always made me feel so present & aware of the smaller details & has a huge influence on my music. But for me now, spring is also a period of time where I feel an immense amount of pain - a reminder that life is a gift & that nothing lasts forever. Losing my brother Pierce exactly 4 years ago this weekend was unimaginable & while I’ve made a lot of progress with myself since then, the pain is just as raw & real as it was those 4 years ago.

I’ll never forget what I experienced last weekend, the feeling of being in that olympic stadium in Barcelona swaying along to Reeko’s mesmerizing drum & bass while everyone there, friends new & old, welcomed all of my feelings & contributed to such an intense moment of vulnerability. I consider myself to be a fairly open person & unafraid to talk about my emotions, but in this instance, I felt completely comfortable, encouraged even, to publicly grieve the loss of my brother & truly allow myself to feel his presence there with me in that moment & throughout the weekend. It was so powerful & a beautiful reminder that when you lose someone, they may not physically be here but their love is with you forever. My friend Theresa that weekend said something to me along the lines of ‘a person is not a body with a soul, a person is a soul & their body is just a vessel for their soul’. I thought that was a really beautiful thing to say & it really struck a chord with me as it’s a reminder to continue to allow ourselves to feel the love of those we’ve lost. It’s still there, somewhere around you, a part of you. It’s a reminder to live, truly & deeply, & to carry their love into your own life & into the lives of others. I’m so thankful to Mostra & everyone in our scene who makes these special gatherings possible.

Now about this new mix.. it’s ironic or just a welcomed coincidence maybe that it was due right around the same time as Mostra & the 4-year anniversary of the passing of my brother Pierce. I’ve been trying for months to gather my emotions to really truly channel them into the mix as it’s such a personal one, both for me & just because of the nature of it’s new home. It’s for a series on our Delayed platform called Sundays are for… which my friend Zach curates with such poise & thoughtful care. His vision for the series is to provide an introspective & reflective soundtrack to the day of the week that we all cherish so dearly. It’s a day for self-care & recovery, after a tough week at work & a few big nights out. It’s a day for the family to be together, or it’s a day for you to be able to sit & exist with your own thoughts. Every artist on the series has shared their own musical interpretation of what this day means to them. It’s a beautiful concept & such a welcomed contrast to complement all of the different sides of our music scene.

My own interpretation of Sundays has been brewing in my head for a while now.. An inkling of it first started to pop up back in October while we were at our biannual Delayed gathering in the mountains of upstate New York. I played a set with my friend Vincent on the Sunday morning there - cozy & hopeful music from various corners of our collections that don't get played very often but are set aside for special moments. My favorite kind of music.. We hadn’t played together before but it felt like we had played together hundreds of times. It was one of the most memorable sets I've played to this day & brought up a ton of emotions & memories from past experiences hearing some of those songs. Memories from my wedding, memories of my brother, memories from times living in Los Angeles when Sundays were all about lounging around all day in the sunshine after nights of dancing into the early hours of the morning. We laughed, cried, danced, ate lunch, sat quietly with our own thoughts, all over the course of the morning into the early afternoon. It laid the foundation for how I wanted to approach this mix for Zach.

Sundays for me have always been a day of healing - mentally, physically, emotionally. It's a day to seek inner peace & a day to be reminded of everything you have to be grateful for in spite of anything else. I recorded this mix on a rainy Saturday earlier this month, channeling all of those memories & feelings, with my dog by my feet while my wife & daughter wandered about the house, making beaded bracelets & doing various arts & crafts. The mix then became my quiet companion throughout my 5 days in Barcelona during Mostra. It helped me gather my thoughts & process all of the emotions I was feeling there. It helped me remember to feel the love of those I’ve lost & reminded me to give that love to those who are here with us.

From me to you, a warm hug & the promise of spring.

Tracklist:

Jefre Cantu-Ledesma - The Milky Sea

Felbm - cycli infini (excerpt)

Neu! - ISI

Goesun - Peel Apart (What Was Once Sensible)

Paul Kalkbrenner - D-Zug

Dubtractor - M. U. R. M.

Static - Headphones (Starring Ronald Lippok)

Dubtractor - W30

Blue Lake - Oceans

Roedelius - Veilchenwurzeln

Dubtractor - I Don't Care

Frø - Beundrer Dig

Barefoot - Sleeper

Charles Webster - Put Your Hurt Aside

Horizon Fire - Piney Hills Blaze

Slow Mass - J.L. (Southfacing Remix)

Tensen Park - Water - Not A Sound

Andy Cato - Whose Groove

Repulsive Force - CSF Dub 6 Skit

System & Nils Frahm - Plus

Will Samson - Still Trains

People Press Play - These Days